JeffGoebel.com -Personal Blog

Day two. It doesn’t get easier..

Personal Journey, The Rooster

Day two. It doesn’t get easier..

Doing pretty much the same thing every day doesn’t necessarily get easier. For someone with attention deficit disorder it can actually get more difficult because each day it becomes less interesting and the temptation to be creative and look for ways to make it fun can actually distract and make more mistakes happen.

On top of that, waking up every morning gets more tedious, not less. Now I’m only saying that on day two because I’m tired and I want to sleep and that’s more of a health issue currently. Once I can get back into sleeping things may be different.

So it’s day two and I’m about to get up and go feed the chickens. The rooster and I had a bit of a fight yesterday. We stood off like sparring boxers for a few minutes staring at each other and he didn’t know what to do so I walked away facing him. Our relationship may evolve over the next month. It will be interesting to see.

Animals can make me angry, and I don’t like to be angry. Rage builds up inside me. It’s such a weird experience.

……

I placed two different feeds types strategically in two areas that allowed for me to miss direct contact with the rooster. He was fine without needless conflict too it seems.

I’m back in my bedroom now remembering two important tasks that should have been part of the morning routine. That sucks. I should get back up and do them. Instead, I convince myself morning timing isn’t as important as it probably is.

Essentially, a morning routine fail. Something to improve upon as the week progresses I suppose. I should know by now that checking my notes is probably the most important step in my daily routine these days.

8:48am

I tried to sleep and I’m not 100% certain whether I did or not. Laying still thinking about sleep can be tricky. I may have floated between works briefly but it wasn’t the rich two hours I’d hoped for. Now I’m just in an unmotivated limbo not excited about starting any of the other tasks l have personally added to my goals. I just really want to sleep.

I think what this means most importantly, is that I should probably take the day to pay attention to the core problem of why my dehydrated body is not accepting water the way it should and why I’m peeing every hour. It’s a personal health issue that should have been resolved weeks ago but I am the king of should. I know what needs to be done but that means nothing in the grand scheme of getting things done.

This summer job was to help me change that but it’s slow going. I can fall into the routine of doing nothing just as easily. It’s only day two and that’s clear.

So my main goals for today is to call that mental health mine and get to the pharmacy for some new constipation medicine.

I wish I could say that those are easy tasks and they will be done. I want to say that. If I say that it doesn’t mean it will be done. I just have to try. I hate living alone without support and other people nagging me.

….

11:36. Today seems to be going super slow. I had forgotten to feed myself. All the animals got theirs but I forgot my own lunch. I ate very little these days partly because of the constipation and partly because I don’t leave my bed so a big diet isn’t necessary.

I spent a lot of time scrolling through Facebook shorts and it’s still not noon. Haven’t watched TV yet and I try to avoid that if I can until I get some work done. I’ll do some more invoicing and see what else. In my head I’m thinking about making that call and it scares me because I don’t know the future that it may cause to start.

I’ve always said doing things is harder than not doing things. Once I start to seek help, I’m going to actually have to do things and that’s not my forte.

..

I went out to give the chickens their afternoon meal and I got the various locations topped up before anybody noticed. I didn’t tell anybody so it will be a nice surprise for a scout chicken in the next few minutes. I hope.

I just this moment remembered why I’m supposed to tell announce their feedings. If they don’t notice the food soon the rats will eat it before they get a chance to.

Now comes the decision to stay in bed and continue my light computer work, or put on pants and go but the things I need.

I need the things I need.

Hmmm… Let me see what I can get delivered.

..

4pm. I feel more exhausted than I would normally be but I’m living on an Indian time with drug use, dehydration and the inability to take a decent crap, as well as only sleeping in hour long cycles.

I chicken out getting on the illegally unlicensed scooter because inside I’m still a perfect little child and I don’t do things like that if I can avoid them. Instead, I did walk to the corner hoping to buy an orange bong and 5.litrrs of Orange Crush. Neither was in stock so I felt disappointed walked home and now I’m back in bed sulking.

But I did get orange t-shirts so I really have to get back that because it’s been a very long time since I’ve done my video blogging wearing an orange shirt.

Final. I ordered laxatives from Walmart and they arrived just as I was getting ready to go feed the pig for my final task. I let the dogs out just as their master arrived home from the rear door. There was no surprise that he would take over and prepare the meal. Nothing for me to do for the rest of today so I can lay back, take two pills that will help soften my stools.

Tomorrow I will take the faster acting suppository and hope it helps. I’m also going to smoke some of my stronger weed with hopes to sleep longer than 1 hour.

If neither of these help, I think I may have to go to the hospital. I don’t want to, but I have avoided it a lot longer than I should have. I think I might have mentioned before, I’m not great at taking care of myself.

End. 7:23pm

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Jeff Goebel