In my previous writings, I have stated this many times. I don’t want to be famous. I just want a few fans. Fans are usually great, but being famous can be a terror. On Monday of this week, I started a new goal to write a blog of some sort every day, and the truth is – I really don’t care if anybody is reading it. In fact, the idea of people reading this blog changes the way I write it. If I start to care about being famous, then I have to worry. I have to feel insecure about whether it’s worthy of fame. What will people make fun of? Did I spell things correctly or use my comas in the correct place. Would me parents or 6th grade teachers be proud if they happen to see it.
Fame has changed a lot in my life time. It used to be that famous people were part of an industry. It was a hope and dream for many, and most of it happened in sports, or the movies and television made in only 4 cities (at least for North America). You might be lucky enough to be interviewed in front of a house fire n the local news station, but apart from the entertainment industry, most of us would live our lives without being famous.
Being famous was never a childhood fantasy of mine, although I did dream about being a writer on Saturday Night Live.
The Internet changed this, and showed us that just about anybody can become famous, and many of them do so without wanting it. Instant fame was a new thing. You could be a sensation just because somebody happened to film you falling down, or being drunk. Andy Warhol’s vision of 15 minutes f fame for anyone was becoming a reality more and more.
When I was young, I wrote things down, and put them in a drawer. I wrote to myself mostly, and called it a journal because diary seemed more structured. I never intended these things would be shared. Today, I write things down still, but some I do share. I put online, for the public to see and judge. I have mixed emotions. On the plus side, it opens up a new audience I can help and perhaps make smile, but the negative side of me thinks it’s also letting people in, and allowing them to see the sides of me I usually keep quiet. I become critical of my own work, and often delete whole sections. I write less freely when I know it will be seen.
The ideal mix of both, is to write in the public area, but not to tell anyone. I’m sharing with imaginary friends… people I don’t know. People who can judge me all they want, as long as they don’t post a comment telling me what an idiot I am.
This blog is an experiment. Some posts may be a huge success, and some with just be an obligatory piece. This is only day 3, and I have a checklist of ideas to write about, so it won’t start getting hard for a while. Taking away the obligation (in my mind) to be good at it helps. I don’t care if you like it.. I’m doing it for me. To exercise a mental muscle and get better at it.
I don’t want to be famous. I just want a few fans.
