It’s 6:00am on Friday again but I remember it being last Friday quite recently. It’s an odd quirk of humanity that this happens. Time often seems to fly by sometimes and crawl by when we’re waiting on the future to hurry up and get here. Now that I have so much less I have to do each day, but am actually doing so much more each day, it could have gone either way but my weeks seem so short.

I fill them with more than sleep so they should have more to remember. All I remember from last week was I think it was good. None of the stress from the last 3 years has followed me out west. The new stress is still well hidden over my wall of tomorrow. I’m using a speedy drug every day but not having the worry associated with hiding and being so threatened by being found out that my enjoyment was effected. Yet anyway.

I can feel the guilt I carry with me creeping up but it’s still manageable. I sincerely believe the people I live with are content with what I offer them in exchange for what they offer me. It’s a balance I don’t remember ever having quite so well. My use has not been in their way yet. I’m still maintaining a level of secrecy about how much and how often but the fear of being thrown out on the street or potentially hurt at any given moment isn’t here. I no longer live in fear of reactions.

I’m even closer to considering merging all my blogs into this one and letting both my audiences see the full OrangeJeff instead of only one side of me or the other. It’s scary to be vulnerable but I am happier without fear and worry.

Speaking of which, I didn’t get much sleep again. To bed and rest by 3am and upper at 5:30.instead of the groggy second sleep that I hate in the morning, I ate chocolate and am about to use my morning non caffeinated pick me up now, and loop through another Friday filled with the kinds of things I now seem content, if not happy to do. Another good day aided by the underground medication the world is against, but today – the difference it makes in my life is a net positive, at least until it’s not, but I believe future Jeff will try to not regret and blame today Jeff for my instant gratification. It has always been my way. 

Happy today.

Bongs up.

I