I woke up at 5am and went back to sleep. I had one of my less happy dreams before waking up again slowly at 6:38. When I say less happy, I don’t really mean a nightmare. It’s more of an anxiety stress dream. It hits my buttons.

I was late for my opening day as manager of the store and things kept adding to my lateness in an almost comical way. They would have been funny coincidences is a stage play, but far less enjoyable when happening to myself one after the other.

My mother and other sister where there making things worse at every stage. I wanted to leave the bedroom with compromises just to get to work. They wouldn’t let me wear that dirty shirt or a pair of my backup running shoes because they were disgustingly dirty or had holes.

My car was missing, which is a common theme. The elevators were giving me troubles. Every step of the task of getting to work had multiple obstacles but I powered through.

The rare addition to the dream universe was my stash of meth. I have included my usage on very few dreams and usually a week or two after I’ve run out. The scenario was typical. I had a stash of the drug and wanted it so badly to help power through all these annoying things in the way of me opening the store before noon.

Surprisingly, the dream supply was very similar to my real stash. I just could use it because of my sister and mother constantly interrupting and trying to help me in the most inconvenient and annoying ways possible.

Then I discovered the white box and the backup pill bottle were not even there. This added additional stress because I didn’t know whether that meant they knew which would lead to long lectures at any minute, or worse, they didn’t know and had thrown it all out.

Either version of the explanation was now added to my stress. In was late. Noon had passed and I was still an hours commute away. Having the only key, no cell phone numbers for my employee, I knew he’d be waiting outside in the rain. Making people wait for me is one of my top anxieties.

My brain was exploding.

So I woke up relieved but feeling somewhat exhausted. I sat in bed staring at the ceiling for a while. I have no chocolate. The dogs began their loud morning routine above me and I grabbed my phone to journalize this. I have not done anything else. My routine of cookies, morning pill with water, and smoking is all getting a late start, but at least nobody is waiting on me. Nobody is going to burst in my door and see me smoking my morning dose of white smoke.

I’ll make it to feed the cows in lots of time and the dream will fade away within the white clouds of relief.

Good morning Tuesday. Bring it on.