It’s 3:37 on a Saturday.
I get in a writing mood, and start this blog.
Eventually, I lose the mood. The first break.
The moment NEW BECOMES OLD, and the excietment has passed into obcession about how I did. My rife is being reviewed for content in my idle time.
I tend to crush excitement wherever I go. Admitting it may be half the battle, but change of personality is hard. It is especially hard when I have only a minimum of human contact.
I eat out every day, at least my lunch. My taste is narrow, and has been all my life. My mother seems to attribute it to one story I have memorized, where I was playing father in a typical fun family scene. I had a child wooden hammer in my mouth like a pipe.
Comedians today like to pick on the lawn darts or the wood buring set as prime targets, but for my money, a hammer as a kids toy wins some awards.
My play-wife was on a swing set and kicked the pipe, down my throat.
The story goes that I was close to losing speach, and may actually have for some time. But then she says, we were told to let him eat what he wants…
and he’s been finicky ever since.
I’m not sure I agree with that as my turning point, but I have always enjoyed some foods, and decided when ordering, why would I risk hating somethbning, when I can order a cheeseburger.
It is an issue I am working on, now that I spotted it and named it.
I do not risk new, if I am happy with the current.
I don’t make that decisoin. I can’t.
I can sho like crazy if it’s in reaction to a failure, or even a weak excuse.
Shopping theoray is always good. Shoping keeps me in middle class.
I buy brand names and shop at Loblaws. I look are care about only a handful of silly items, like the $4.50 Havarti instead of the $5.35 and everything else just goes with the one I want.
And I want brand names.
I have a theory, which some may call post decision justiication… I lost a better line in a blip.
Ah. My theory
Products that are made for the poor market, and designed to be inferior. Classes not only shop to stay in their class, but they can spot your shoes and place you, if it matters.
The rich can place your level by your shoes. $3000 shoes or $500 or $100 or $9.95 or free.
And we can spoit last years $3000 which are like frees this year.
I have had limited experience to the different classes of shoes. I have two clients who’s elevator opens to their livingroom. Nice people, and I never felt classed. That is more in my mind.
I admire the rich. They were as smart as me, but with the ACT skill, not the REACT skill. They get things done. You can rely on that kind of person, in bothe legitimate, and underground societies.
We can only imagine what the real rich are doing behind our backs.
Imainge how much we can do to make ourself feel superior to the classes below us.
We need the low self esteme reactors to do our jobs. They;re excellent at anything that can be started and finished in one sitting, or step by step if they have somebidy to constantly refresh the reactyion momentum.
SOmebody who keeps NEW from becominmg OLD
Somethinmg to get us back on track after THE END OF PART 1
Withoyut a guide, or a handler, my mind can be distracted at any given moment, and without somebody there to bring me back, I could float away into the space like an untehered austranaut.
And when they walk away, I turn off.
I can come up with the idea. In fact, I have – many times. I come up with ideas for web site business or companies all the time… or at least everytime I’m “in a writing mood”.
IDEA: I wonder if this wouldn’t be a cool feature for tyhe head shop I am currentlky webmastering. It’s my very first customer – store owner relatsiosnhip I’ve ever had, where I was the customer. I enjoyed many close friendships with great people, all making greats stories and additions to the memories I retell over and over.
I have been thinking of my ideas, helping a store gather attention. Fame is better if you can help more than one person with it.
If fame brings happiness and/or weatht with a welcome life change, then I believe it is a good thing., and if you can make someboldy else rich, maybe they’ll pay me some.
Or give me a vapourizer.
I mean humidiyer Mom.
Step two, in what I’ve titled the Mood’s Routine is usually to stop writing, re emphasise my mood, and …
I want to introduce an akroymn to use for pleasuriong myself, s that it doesn’t read as sexually interesting to you… but if we are bneing honest with – I was going to say each other, and I thinki I will.
Honest with each other, except I don’t really want to hear your crap right now. This is about me.
snicker. laugh. Sarcastic humour allows me to get away with that kind of side humour when it’s spoken more than in print.
I’m learning what works. I have to stay fresh.
You – Oh blog commenter or lurker are my inspiration. I want to nbelieve that when my mood passes, I won’t regret or desire to discontinue.
Lets not think about that now.
A zeppelin, if you’re a fan.
So ask me stuff.
Ok… let me make it even more interactive. If you are willing to take on a project with me, no charge, and basically just keep intearacting with me about what I want to do, and doing it… I may have a job for you.
I am plyable Jeff as of this moment. An idea we’ll beta test. Like a game.
I have a budget and a business, real time.
If you help pay my bills, you can RUN ME LIKE A GAME PLAYER in real life.
My obsticles will be real, and it’ll be your job to make one single idea of mine, and take it to completion.
You can buy into the game but the more players, the thinner my time wil be sliced.
Oh! The Appentice all takle a project of mine and run with it, with me as the Hugh Hefner style figurehead owner that sets the rules of NO EVIL and nothing that didn’t personally make me smile.
Noboldy appreciates that Frogstar.com is just me, adding stuff that I think I can get away with, that made me smile.
I didn’t follow any rules, but I kept adding stuff that made me smile.
Less and less each year because NEW turned to OLD and my time was needed with my life.
It’s costing me a small fortune and my company exists primarily so the hobby site is paid for.
I run no ads, after a Google trial for a month this year. To many ads were for sites I wouild not personally endorse, so I stopped the ads. The reveune was about $130 a month, but I ran oinly one banner ad.. the least offencive way possible.
The truth was, a huge percentage of companys in google ads are evil, or bordering. At the very least, most tell lies.
I believed that Frogstar is worth more as a brand with a person of honour, than as a small company making money.
I’m holding out till I figure out a way to put my genious to profit. Partnering with the “get it done” people… but the first step is the killer, as the saying goes.
(Lightbulb) That just made sense for the first time. Metaphorically, the first step is almost always the hardest.
Criminals seem to only have to get over the first step once, and the rest seem easier. The good side often striggles with every first step.
I don’t take first steps, unless I can figure out a way to change the world in front of me, to make me react.
It’s a slow process, over 10 years of writing alone, once in a while.
Snapping back to the topic of origin like a rubber band, I usually write for a while, PMS (stands for pelasure myself from here on ot)
I write, I PMS, I watch an hour or so of TV. I own a PVR (but more on that later) Ahh! I like that re-coccuring theme.
Ok, the PMS joke is stale. MB will suffice.
Later in the mellower parts of my mood swing, I have taken up the enjoyment of recreational hypnosis. It’s a wild undergrund ofshoot of phonbe sex for people like me, who don’t want phone sex because I have no memory to associate with.
I have MP3’s that make me happy, when I’m in a writing mood.
SEE OTHER BLOG: The Relese theory… or similarly named.
It is now time for TV. Tonight I have chosen GHOST WHISPERER, which is back with a new episode aftetr being off for 2 or 3 weeks.
It is my “mood show”… Part of the rituial.
Jennifer Love Hugetits is offencive, but not mine. I merely quote it because honestly compells me to admit she is one I like.
I am changed by a smile.
Smiles are my “it”. I melt when a good one commands me.
If you become my priority, I will dedicate my life to earning that smile.
I so much want to try a relastionship with somebnody who I really liked, facially. A smile that changes me, every time. A face I am proud to claim worthy of.
But ion a way that doesn’t sound so creepy.
END OF PART 2
Before I go, the summary of what I was trying to say is;
(I can’t afford an adiction. All the fun stuff is in slavery and it doesn’t work for me.)
It is now time for TV… Lets see how long I can hold out.