Over the past few years, I have not been keeping my blog up to date. My posts were few and far between. During this time however, I was still writing, and creating new video content. I was just not sharing any of it publically.
I have kept a journal of sorts since I can remember. My first memory of writing during a crying session, was one of the two moments, where I shoved somebody. I remember regretting it instantly, and then needing to run away and cry, and the write. I remember I wrote in pen, on magazine sized paper with no lines. It was the paper we’d used to create The Underground magazine when I was in high school. My memory isn’t clear on all points, but I do remember writing through the tears.
My youth was before people had computers, or in many cases, even typewriters. Our world was long hand. All those writings are in my memory vault. I want to go through it one day, but for the time being, I don’t look back. I remember what I feel is important, and always look forward to the now.
The journals help. Without them, I never really set aside time to think. My A.D.D brain prohibits m,e from enjoying a good book in any timely mannor. I’ve self analized my brain, and the way I interpret and navigate life. It has evoilved, and in many ways, because of my writing. Even though I do not share openly, I have learned to think at the speed of my typing, and so the journals are sometimes more like a textual stream of concioiusness as my mind wanders into side thought comednatry, much like a director talking about his movie while you watch a muted soundtrack.
In my writing, I slow down and consider one thought or story. If I lose track, I can simply look up, and re-read where I was. Indeed, this is why I read so poorly. My second mind track imagines the words I read with such excitement, I lose my place, and break the flow. I have to search and re-read on many lines, and the flow breaks my concentratyion. I lose the joy, and I go think about something else in stead.
It’s the way my brain seems toi work. It can hold focu as long as interest is peaked, but a sudden leppelin in my view distracts me, and I concentrate on the second mind track. It is difficukt for me to complete tasks once they become less inetersting, or even tedious. My brain wanders and forgets.
It’s been my calling card all my life, although we only recently stopped referring to it as my fault, and my misbehaviour, and ultimately, my failure. Until I was 27, I believed I was a loser. I’m certain there are some writings from that period oif discovery that I’d be delighted to read.
Side Zeppelin: I would like to hire somebody to write a book with me, like a celebrity does. I really think that is my best way to progress, under the educated guidance of someone else, professionally hired to ask the right questions and take control. A partner, paid to kind of do what I want. To profit from my petrsonality and mind. To rceieve praise, and make people smile with my insight, wit, opinions and imagination.
A book, about my life, and the power of NOW.
Titles possibilities
I WORK FOR SMILES
The genious of an uneducated mind
ironically, can’t spell genius
The real thing my book can be about is my world philosophy, and ways to change the world.
The ultimate power of stories
Everything in existence is the story we tell, and the stories we’re told
Control the stories, Control yourself, Control the World
The story is reality. Fact is ireelivant
Stories trump truth
The best story wins
Nobody cares if it’s Rick or Anthony
A story retold is valuable
Technology changed the world We have more stories, and exact copies. We have variations and parodies. We have comment pages. More stories will evolve the world this decade and beyond more than we can imagine.
Smart people already know the scerets. There is nothing on this earth more powerful than a story bekieved, and a story retold. It is the ultimate. As religion.
Sadly, that is the only area where opposing stories hasn’t been well receieved. When people wrote the religion stories, it seems few if any thought to provide for an opposition. They all required to be absolute to make sense.
I believe we have to get over that one day. I truly believe my favourite quote:
The greatest invention of all time, was church
The worst invention of all time was religion.
By that, I simply mean that it onlky worlks until you develop a way to meet the people over that mountain or desert, and they have a differet story. Unfoirtunatly, many people didn’t take that well, and people were converted or killed, even today. People don’t like learning their religion could have been wrong. Believeing is far easier and less stressful, and sincerely helpul, I can only assume.
Society benefits from community, and although I don’;t want my book to be labled sociaklist, because I don’t know if you’ve heard, but it’s 2016. Witch hunts are back in style. More people talk about rasim in media today than they do about almost anything.
It would be interesting to pick a TV channel and count how many mentions or inferenaces or examples there are of racism in every show, from cartoons, to morning, lunch, daytime and prime time. I would not be surprised if t wasn’t,entioned in every hour.
/zep
The problem I’ve been hiding, is that most of my journals from at leats 5 to 10 or 20 years, a great percebtage were written on weed, and mention being high or using drugs, and to many people I know, I have not confessed to being a fan of recreational drugs.
I can’tdecide to do it. It’s a mental block, like a guy forgetting the number 4 when counting to ten, because he’s on stage being hypnotized. I can’t admit drugs publoically. Twice I have hinted. If you searched, you’d find proof – so in that way, I have come out as a user… but who do I care about?
Two sisters and family who are not close, and could conceivably never see each other again until a funeral. We just haven’t cared out ourfamily much, or maybe that was just me. I live in Toronto, and they live in B.C. I didn’t even go out for a parental funeral, although there are some other detailks tghat will make that seem a lot less horrible. Don’t judge me on just that statement.
The cottage 12, the middle class friendship gtroup I was once the single guy in, until I broke a heart and left to lower class for 6 years. Many of them may have figured out my drug use merely by the company I kept, but in my heard – they don’t know.
My clients? Many do, and I suspect, some would have a change of opinion, but I’m not certain I’d lose many. Some of the more corporate clients might inquire for more details for confidence. I can’t say how many would leave.
/zep
In any case, If I choose to share this, in original or edited form, then it will probably either be ignored, or yield some feedback. I believe my petrsonality has a lot to offer, with propoer editing and management or guidance. Writing my be a beginning. My video streams of consciousness on various srugs can be quite entertaining as well.
End of Part 1
1:30pm Friday. New strong weed extract concentrate oil. Ppowerful need to write.
—–
I would like to start soon. Hire Stacey, $20 an hour or $100 a week.
1 hour per day minimum, 5 days a week, preferably at the same time every morning
Project manage the list
Work towards findng a book author that is good, and reasonably medium priced.
Go through my memory chest on video
Tell a story per clip
— /zep
I have been debating, in my mind each week, whether I should consider sharing some of the more personal ones.
