Vote to go to heaven

America’s Got Talent

I was watching Nick Cannon on AGT,  when he admitted a comment, and instantly realized, or else a producer did and yelled at in his earpiece.  I think Nick Cannon just said; if you want to go to heaven, vote for these guys. I watched the facial expressions he made, with my imagination filling in the voice in his earpiece.

I could imagine phones ringing everywhere.  Back stage going crazy over this new juicy news byte. He just told everyone, if you want to go to heaven, vote for these guys. Everyone knew it was bad, instantly. It could be blown up huge if anybody wrote it to make us care.

In my head, the office caught on fire, and decided to pretend everything is normal.

I often imagine life, way harder than it is.

It’s possible nobody thought twice about it but me.

I am eager to see if they come back positive and nobody noticed.

Your heaven deciding vote is not AGT.



I am sitting outside the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, having a quick Polish Sausage for lunch in a nice treed Park area. In front of me, walking around observing me in one lone scruffy pigeon. He’s not a pretty one at all, multi coloured in no set pattern, and with feathers ruffled like he’s just list a fight.

He is a scout. He knows I am eating, and he’s here to get the first drop and alert his team, sitting nearby in the shade.

I toss a bun scrap, and before I can say rumpkestilskin, 21 other pigeons have decended. They know, nobody throws one bun scrap. Feeding pigeons is too much fun to do just once.

I notice none of them are very pretty, unlike some if the ones I feed more up town, which makes me chuckle a bit. Downtown is lower class for bird and man alike.

Each one grabs a piece of bun, and flings it wildly to rip his bit off, throwing the remaining bun 4 feet one direction or another, and then another repeats the process. Pigeons without food try desperately to guess where the next piece will be flying, but with little success. It’s a luck game, and some are faster than others.

When the last of the bun is thrown, I clap my hands and say; “all done”, which is a phrase I trained my dog to understand. They seemed content too, and surprising quickly all retreated to their shade resting places.

One lone scruffy pigeon remains, scouting, but with less interest now, because I’m writing this on my phone, not eating. He is still watching, but with less glaring eyes.

I am tempted to see if they return if I merely gestures a fake food throw, but I decide not to be mean.


It’s Pie Time!

My family have always been game players, although I was almost always a loser. We played card games, board games, and a few sports. I never really was good at any of them.  When I moved out, much of the world was discovering video games, but I never got very good at them. As an adult, I don’t play so many games. I have however maintained a few easy mind games I play with friends.  Some I’ve blogged about before.  They’re simple games you play inside your regular life, and some I’ve rebranded for this new social media electronic age.

Today I’m here to explain the simple rules of PIE TIME!

The rules are simple. All you have to do is notice it’s 3:14 in the afternoon, and say IT’S PIE TIME to somebody. You can say it to the person standing next to you, or you can call them on the phone, text them, message them or online chat them, but it must be 3:14. Not a minute sooner or later.  If you get them before they get you, one point is scored.

If they receive your text and it’s 3:15 – you lose.

pi_pie2[1]It’s a silly game, but an easy one. The trick is remembering to play. Not many of us are looking at our clocks at 3:14 in the afternoon. It’s too late to be worrying about lunch, and not early enough to be thinking of 5pm. If you see it’s 3:14 by accident, you remember the game, and say the phrase. Maybe have a piece of pie as a bonus.

If you don’t play it today, no score is changed. Nothing happens. You can play this game for the rest of your natural life with as many friends as you introduce to the rules, and may only actually win once or twice.

You don’t even need to keep track of the points. Nobody else will.

However, if you actually do play, and introduce a few friends to the game by saying PIE TIME to them at 3:14 today or tomorrow, you may find others start to play the game with you too, and receiving a IT’S PIE TIME text at 3:14 in the afternoon some random Thursday three weeks from now will probably make you smile. Some day in the future, when you look at your watch and it’s 3:17 you’ll think; “ooOoOoOoo… just missed pie time”. and probably smile.

That’s what most of my games are about. Random smile generation.

Bonus round: Two points are gained for saying “IT’S PIE TIME” on March 14th.

  • For those of you have not yet figured out the significance of 3.14 as PIE TIME, the mathematical term “pi” refers to an infinite decimal number that stats with 3.14
  • A similar version of this game can be played at 4:20 in the afternoon for your 420 friends.
  • It is polite to not send texts, calls or messages at 3:14am unless you know for certain your friend is awake.


Stunt Blogger: Do not attempt

By now, we’ve all seen the tiny fine print on media advertising that warns us all that the images we are seeing were performed by professionals and we should not attempt. The wording is different, but the meaning is always the same; please don’t bother trying to sue if you are stupid enough to try this on your own.

Some lawsuit somewhere in the past probably started it, but now the lawyers seem to have made it mandatory on all commercials where people do just about anything.  In many examples, I’m never quite sure whether the disclaimer is meant to be real, or sarcastic or ironic.

Today I watched a commercial for the Fido cell phone service that had really cute video of dogs, surfing. The music and pace and tounge wagging images made me bive the dogs were indeed, having a great time zipping across the water, much like human water skiers might on any Ontario cottage weekend.

Then I caught the fine print. As it turns out apparently, these are professional stunt dogs, and we should not try this ourselves.

After I got over the shock of breaking the fourth wall realizing these dogs were being paid to look this happy, I was confused. Do they mean we should not go surfing and water skiing,  or our dogs should not?

I pondered if this was actually a law. A commercial has told me not to let my dog on a surf board, but if I decide to do do anyway, will anything happen? Will Fido be able to sue me?

I suppose, if I do dog surf, and my dog breaks a paw, I can’t claim that it was all because the Fido dog looked so happy, they made me do it. Clearly, they told me; do as I say, not as I do. This activity is a spectator sport. Fido dogs are better than my dog.

Like all such warnings, they make me question, how does one become a professional, if we are not allowed to perform the activity. In car commercials, I am told all driving is done on a close track by professional drivers, and I am forbidden from attempts. How did they get to be professionals if they can’t try it as amateurs first?

Wouldn’t it be funny if everything on tv could only be done once, as long as that disclaimer appeared. It was binding, like copyright. Mazda tries to hire a driver to drive in a commercial and he answers, I’m sorry. I can’t. Ford td me not to attempt that stunt.

I think we should do away with the disclaimers. They spoil the fun when they reveal the things we are watching are professional stunts.

Intead, just create a blanket “no fault stupidity clause” that says you xant blame tv if you hurt yourself being stupid trying something you saw on TV.


Cheap Android “test” Tablet

I recently bought a cheap 7″ tablet from a foreign “free shipping” web site and it’s horrid.  Really really bad.  In fact, I can’t even browse the web or watch any video at all.  However, I don’t consider it a waste because I have learned from it that I really do want a tablet.

I think a lot of Android phone users wonder if a tablet is right for them. It’s really just a bigger version of our phones, and I wasn’t sure I’d have any use for it. My phone is always with me, and I can use it to read books, watch TV, write my blog and anything else. I really didn’t think I’d find a tablet useful. I didn’t want to spend $300 to find out it was just another gadget I’d bought and not used.

The cheap tablet taught me I do want one. In fact, I thin k I could use 3 tablets., One beside my bed, one beside my TV watching couch, and one with me in the car for restaurants and waiting rooms.

The crap tablet showed me I do prefer doing stuff on a bigger screen, as long as it doesn’t suck. In fact, I have almost done away with the full sized laptops I currently have bedside my bed, beside my TV watching space, and in my car.  Microsoft word takes 4 to 7 minutes from off state to writing mode, and the tablet doesn’t. When I get a thought to jot down, it’s almost seamless from idea to journalizing it. That will literally change my blogging life.

In summary; if you’re unsure if a tablet is for you – don’t fear the crap ones. They’re a great way to test whether you’re a tablet person or not.